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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
Age 23, living in sin in Twickenham with Cheesy
Likes
Movies
Books
Writing
Theatre
Hugs
Kittens
Chess
Scrabble (mostly beating Cheesy's butt)
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Dislikes
Vegetables
Arguments
Cleaning
Trashy TV
Pretensions
Public Transport
Pets
Rabbits-Bambi, Fern, Sooty, Pippa-all deceased
Dog-Sammy-deceased :(
Fish-CatFlap-recently (and finally!) deceased
Cat-Tiggy-still scratching
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Technically Rachel
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Thursday, January 29, 2004
Boycott the Old Vic Theatre - their taste sucks
10:48 am
Ah, pretty snow. Life threatening and dangerous when driving:yes. But very purty - so it's allowed. Seriously though, how much do I brick it driving when the roads are like this? A lot. I suddenly progress to granny-age driving. Obviously the longer I drive the cockier I'll get about this type of thing. So cocky until I crash my car. Then back to granny. It's like a car-driving life cycle, somewhat similar to Eddie Izzard's "looking cool.... looking like a dickhead" fashion cycle. If you don't know what I'm talking about - SHAME ON YOU and get your arse to a video store and BUY all his videos and watch them religiously. You just see if you're not the better for it.
Apologies for the prescense of D&D materials on my website earlier - it seemed like a good idea at the time, till I realised even I didn't understand half of it. Boy's game, you see. I suck.
Forgot also to put the big whoop out to Yappa Dog and Rockenspiel for they're faboo hospitality at the weekend. Rockenspiel employed many sneaky tactics to stop me tipping the topsy, but I did get two in. Wooo! Hee ho. Anyway, Cambridge is cool - but there's lots of walking involved for the pub. Walking?! Humph. Still, very pretty. So it's allowed.
Also beat them both at scrabble (note: very short game, in which poor Yappa kicked the scrabble bucket as she was presented with the letters EEESIII - I think it was an S. I do know there was only one consonant), and enjoyed a lovely roast dinner and nuked a la microwave peachy pie thing too much in that I was late home. Once more I have my bitter tirade against Tescos, who wouldn't let me and Babol in at 2 MINUTES past 4:00pm. Piggies.
And to finish - I do love it when things make me laugh inappropriately at work. Find one of them here
9:02 am
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
How nuts is this weather?! As I type I watch out of the office window in dismay as buckets of snow tip down on top of my car. I'm getting more and more nervous that i am destined to spend the evening curled up next to a filing cabinet. Ick. Not only that but it thunder and lightning all over too! Driving around in a tin can suddenly ain't so appealing - yes, I know my tyres are rubber, but you still get paranoid when you're a wet girl like me.
5:44 pm
Hmm, don't really understand this stuff, but my character is unstable and frequently insane, so that fits ;)
I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Elf Ranger Druid
Alignment:
Chaotic Neutral characters are unstable, and frequently insane. They believe in disorder first and foremost, and will thus strive for that disorder in everything they do. This means that they will do whatever seems 'fun' or 'novel' at any given time.
Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.
Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.
Secondary Class:
Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings.
Deity:
Silvanus is the True Neutral god of nature. He is also known as the Patron of Druids. His followers believe in the perfect balance of nature, and believe that nature's bounty is preferable to any other 'civilizing' method. They wear leather or metallic scale mail, constructed of leaf-shaped scales. Silvanus's symbol is an oak leaf.
Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan (e-mail)
1:58 pm
Monday, January 26, 2004
Apologies all for the Shout Out confusion - please just ignore it for now and just use the haloscan comment box - it should still work spiffily. I've reattached the klinks temporarily so that I may retrieve my old comments. They shall be banished soon.
6:40 pm
Thursday, January 22, 2004
An afternoon on set today. Went to see some footage of the film, and I have to say it's looking pretty damn good indeed. I'm looking forward to seeing it.
And I met Colin more-good-looking-in-real-life Firth today. Properly. None of this rubbishy brushing shoulder nonsense. Was introduced, shook hands and chatted about the south of France a while. This-obviously-was the most ideal moment for me to introduce myself as "Rachel - Accounts Boffin"...
sigh
what a great moment to say that for the first time
I'm so lame.
6:44 pm
Since The Goulden is still using the thoroughly crap Klinks for his comments, and therefore we cannot post a comment, I shall have to respond to his latest blog here:
Ahem. Mr Goulden. You dare to insult the north of england (a very lovely place) and women (a very lovely gender) within the same blog-breath? Well sir! I, like most northern women, am more than capable of thoroughly kicking your southern pansy ass - and a good kicking is what you will get! Don't think you can hide in China!
12:06 pm
Inspired by the exam story by Rockenspiel, I decided to dig out a forward I received years ago, but still to this day makes me laugh. This is basically a list of things to do in an exam that you just know (for whatever reason you may have) that you are going to fail:
Get a copy of the exam and run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud and debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm S0 sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave thecountry" and run off.
15 minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." if you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 minutes.
Come down with a BAD case of Turet's syndrome during the exam.
Bring things to throw at the instructor when she's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
Every 5 minutes stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, and continiue with the exam.
Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, comment on how easy it was.
Get the exam. 20 minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!", and walk out triumphantly.
Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, the whole class is leaving after one hour to go drink).
Show up completlely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for Mommy).
Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and yell "I'm here, the Phantom of the Opera" until they drag you away.
If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs that you can possibly think of. Get Pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
Walk in, get the exam, and sit down. About 5 minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up.
Bring a block marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. Duh!"
From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
8:34 am
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Apologies for the silence yesterday, but when you have 440 crowd chits to sort out, you'll understand why. I'd explain in full, but it's really not very interesting.
The most noticeable thing about this week so far is that I'm feeling totally knackered, and have a constant need for chocolate. Hmmm. Really just wanna go home to bed with a hot chocolate. Oooh, now I'm drooling.
Was in a real grump yesterday as well as a result of crowd chits/tiredness, as was Cheesy with his great impatience - so we were wonderful to be around last night.
I also have a zit on my face that is pissing me off.
God what a crappy post
Can you tell I'm pre-menstrual?
Also, in the bizarrest of adverts:
WHY would anyone think we would want to see this horrendous crotch-shot? WHO would find it attractive, or even slightly appealing? It wouldn't even satisfy those with pornish tendancies.
All I can say is thank God there isn't a magic wand.
10:34 am
Friday, January 16, 2004
I don't know why I'm surprised
You know the whole Technically Speaking/Relatively Speaking problems? They just took an interesting twist. Apparently, CADOS (the big bad of Chorley Little Theatre) have now providing a new reason as to why Technically Speaking cannot take place at the theatre - they got a whiff of the fact that one of the characters - Louise - is a bisexual, and don't want to approve a play that contains lesbianism. Ah, provincial life.
It's not definite yet, but I'm now reluctant to even be involved with a bunch of petty bigots who quite frankly are the only negative memories I have of my youth theatre days. For as long as I can remember the youth theatre have been yelled at, accused of damage with no evidence, accused of pretty much anything, and have frequently had performances blocked - all by CADOS. I don't even know why I care so much. I guess it was because that place started me writing, and there was something quite symbolically lovely about having more of my work performed there. It's no big career boost for me - it's just something that would have been nice.
8:13 am
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
In response to recent talk back, here is the full scoring system for the:
Topsy Tipping League™
2 points for a general nudge and small stumble
4 points for a significant stumble
6 points for complete loss of footing across the pavement with general arm flailing and little yap for help
Add 1 extra point to your score if:
- your attempt provokes a 'tut' or a swear word
- your attempt induces high-pitched and general "I'm so abused!" mutterings
- she gets really mad and goes all pink and yells "What is your problem!"
Minus 1 point from your score if:
- she spots you coming and you miss her - you'll look stupid, and she'll be smug
- she's wearing high heels - it's just too easy
- she's pissed - once more, too easy
- she falls right over - whilst we at Topsy Tipping™ agree this would be highly amusing, the Topsy is an endangered species and shouldn't be too abused (but if a bush breaks her fall, you can have your point back!)
Rules
- You may only partake in one "Topsy Tipping" a day
- The Topsy's safety must be considered at all times - as should the comedy of the moment
- Be gentle - she topples REALLY easily
- Players partake in this league at their own risk - the Topsy is a little blonde species and is liable to small explosions. The proprieters accept no responsibility for injury or damage caused at the hands of an angered Topsy.
At the end of the league, ratios will be calculated for differences in height and weight from the Topsy, as will an average of time spent with the Topsy.
All interested members please register on the talk back
Happy Tipping from the Topsy Tipping League™
11:54 am
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
In other news
A bizarre warp in my vocabulary seems to indicate that my brain has officially turned to sponge. I just asked if a bemused person on the other end of the phone had a "payroll enquirement".
I love it when my head makes up new words - highly frustrating in scrabble though
4:46 pm
Monday, January 12, 2004
Things I have learned this weekend:
Raindance-Boy is a pain in the arse to meet up with
Tidying is sometimes a vital necessity, and doesn't the room look so much nicer when you can see the floor
Shanghai Knights isn't anywhere near as fun as Shanghai Noon was - and is fulled of cliched cockney people and about every historical english figure that existed around then - a few examples being Jack the Ripper, Charlie Chaplin and Arthur Conan Doyle. Tsk.
IKEA can be good if you know what you want and they have it in stock (and you don't mind traffic)
You can be down to a Knight, 6 Pawns and a King and still make a tremendous come-back reducing your .opponent to a Rook, A King and 6 Pawns. Doesn't mean you'll win though.
Scrabble isn't fun when you're tired and your letters suck.
Mickey Blue Eyes is appallingly rubbish. An hour was all I could take.
12:58 pm
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Busy searchers may well have found the answers to these possible questions, having being sent aimlessly to my site by google:
"what can brandy butter be used for"
and
"most famous kiddy fiddler"
and my personal favourite:
"what horny bitches did for Xmas"
happy to have helped
6:35 pm
You know what I hate. Things that are supposed to make things faster, that make things slower. Like, for example, Tesco’s new Pay At Pump idea. You fill your car up with petrol, and instead of going all the way into the shop and paying by card, signing bits of paper, blah blah blah, you get to pay right next to your car at the machine. Very good, thought I, what a innovative idea.
It’s not – it’s stupid, because they’ve designed a stupid system. You have to lift the pump and put it in your car, but before you can pump, you insert first of all your clubcard, and then your debit card. This means one hand is balancing the pump in the slot, and the other hand is mystically opening your purse and inserting the appropriate cards into the machine all by itself. What this actually is, is you propping up the pump with your leg, frantically looking for cards and stretching to insert them into the machine. Ishk. Then, when it’s all happy your good for the money, you can get your petrol. When you’re done however, an annoying voice announces that if you want a receipt, insert your card again NOW. (I always want a receipt from machine payments – they’re tricky little buggers) More frantic fumbling, and I manage it in time. And wait. For no receipt to print, despite being told it had. In fact, I couldn’t even see anywhere it could print. In the fluster I saw the woman in the shop making gestures. So I went INTO the sodding shop anyway, and she says “I’ll write your receipt if you like?” I spluttered as to whether the machine actually prints at all, to which she basically answered with, “Shall I write your receipt?”. No, said I, thinking that I don’t want a sodding written receipt because then what was the sodding point of the machine in the first place. It would mean taking twice as long getting my petrol than it would have if I’d just gone into the shop in the first place.
In all the fluster of inserting cards at weird times, and going into the shop, I then managed to drive off with my petrol cap still open. A highly, extremely, deadly dangerous, car-go-boom kind of thing to do. Luckily a very nice driver (yes, I was in London) at the traffic lights informed me of my stupidity very politely, and I hastily pulled over and sorted it out. Hmmm.
The moral of this story is – technology doesn’t annoy people, stupid persons with technology annoy people.
2:50 pm
Most Memorable Moments of 2003
Cool 23rd birthday in Manchester - lots of old faces
Getting hideously drunk with Princess Sar at her pub - again!
Going to Glastonbury - getting very cold in a crap tent. And getting yelled at by the Small Yappa Type Dog lots
Telling Fat Arse to "bite me" when she yelled at me - that felt very gooood
Edinburgh Festival - much fun, except for outsider paranoia - again
Iraq war - pretty much sucked
Working Title - spending my Agent Provocateur vouchers, my leaving party, laptop, Johnny English premier (avec Topsy, La Goulden & Babol), Love Actually premier (got to meet Suzanne!)
Entered the freelance world
Catching a train to Chorley and ending up in Liverpool
Big debate with fundy Christians
Brainstorming "My Den"
Baldy and his Page Three lovely
The general trauma of living with Baldy - late bills, £200 sex line phone bills, temper tantrums
When Goldie told me she's vegetarian, but she eats fish because they've got no legs
Entertainment: England winning the Rugby World Cup! The coolness of the Animatrix and the utter crappiness of Matrix Reloaded/Revolutions. Gollum's MTV Movie Award acceptance speech.
The shingles - not fun
Writing at Soho Theatre
The last ever episode of Buffy - how I miss thee
Babol's start of a rather strange blog
Finding Reading Festival sucks, but that Linkin Park rock regardless
My first Comedy Sportz
Get pissed at Topsy's 24th in Cambridge, and teasing her that someone totally fancied the pants off her. Got a free t-shirt too.
Going ice-skating with Tall Boy and nearly crippling myself
I bought a car! Long live Mac!
Mine and Babol's first flat, and first Xmas tree
The contemplation of spider killing
My ancient fish died
Varisty Life of Spice died
Getting hideously caned on certain cookies
Bridget Jones got to hear me pee
Tori Amos winning the poll over at Rockenspiels'
Driving home for Christmas (only Bron will get the double reference there)
If I've missed anything, let me know!
8:52 am
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
I had a dream last night that I was Britney Spears being chased around an old house (like in that crappy video) with Madonna and Anthony Hopkins chasing me. Didn't get married in it though - bet she wishes that was a dream.
4:15 pm
Monday, January 05, 2004
And so I return from my Christmas sabbatical. Apologies to one and all for my blog neglect - but not only did my sister's computer suck, but I also tried to avoid computers full stop whilst holidaying and taking a break from what is my everyday life.
Christmas was indeed fun - spent some highly valuable family time back oop north in Eccleston - drove all the way there under the watchful eye of Popo - wooo, i can drive on motorways now. Such a grown up.
Eccleston doesn't seem so isolated and crappy when you've got a car to drive you around too (buses, what buses?).
Also had a room all to myself since Fat Ass is still hopping around Australia. Was certainly quiet at home, but I'm not complaining.
My Grandma patted my calves on Christmas day, cheerily announcing that I had put on weight. Go gran. She also made many enquiries as to when I was getting "wed" - my gran actually uses words like courting, and petting - I deftly avoided answering such questions so as not to upset those whom are stuck firmly in the "living in mortal sin" past. Trust me, in my family, that's quite a lot - parents excepting.
Readthrough went well, though I've yet to watch the tape back. As predicted it took AGES, but it was good fun, and pizza was had by many.
Some difficulties already with the second production of "Technically Speaking" - the theatre Bron's doing it at in Chorley is run by a group called CADOS, who are putting on a play a month later called "Relatively Speaking" - the odds, huh?
CADOS have decided that I have to therefore change the title of my play - now, I'm not a proud person, but I think every now and again I have to be this dignified, pig-headed writer who refuses to change a single iota of my precious work. That, and I haven't a clue what else to call it. But in all seriousness, I am at the moment refusing to what I see as a very rude request. Plus it's already been performed under that title. Anyway, Bron's fighting the corner, so we'll see how that turns out.
New Year was simple and lovely - it's mine and Babol's anniversary at New Year, so suffice to say there was romance that I shan't gross you out with, or ruin Babol's reputation with, but it was a very good night to say the least.
A joy to see Mr Goulden back in the fold - returning with more hair, more tan, but less body weight. He promises to eat his way back to full size very soon - and we wish him all the best with that.
A final bit - God bless Scrabble. After spending most of the holidays being trashed by Babol at Chess and Go, finally a game I can win his ass at. Long may scrabble prosper in our household!
Happy New Year everyone - shit, just realised I haven't made any resolutions. Best get to it.
10:53 am
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