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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
Age 23, living in sin in Twickenham with Cheesy
Likes
Movies
Books
Writing
Theatre
Hugs
Kittens
Chess
Scrabble (mostly beating Cheesy's butt)
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Dislikes
Vegetables
Arguments
Cleaning
Trashy TV
Pretensions
Public Transport
Pets
Rabbits-Bambi, Fern, Sooty, Pippa-all deceased
Dog-Sammy-deceased :(
Fish-CatFlap-recently (and finally!) deceased
Cat-Tiggy-still scratching
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Technically Rachel
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Wednesday, June 02, 2004
I sometimes really hate being grown up. Somedays I just wish I could be little again, and not have to worry about all this bloody sodding big life crap that's just ringing in my ears. You remember that potential quandry of dream vs career. Potential now it ain't. My heart wants me to do one thing, whereas my sensibilities tell me another, and I don't know what to do. Suddenly I feel tired of being so fucking responsible and level headed, always doing what I should, always for the benefit of others - but whenever I start to seriously think about it, I get so scared I rush right back to what I should do. And then sit in that pit of adultness and mither myself that there are dreams unfulfilled. I always thought I could strike the balance, and maybe I can - maybe today I just stupidly hormonal and can't handle any decision with more impact that what I should cook for supper.
All I think sometimes is, what if I've made the wrong choice? What if I'm leading myself down some dark path of responsibility that will lead to my own isolation and depression? What if I'm turning into that whining, self-reflective, over-analytical twat that I was when I was 17 - cause it's bloody sounding like it. Sigh. I shall try and think of something amusing.
6:18 pm
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